When Fan Girls Go Bad
by XRachX
Summary: No. 2 in the Acid Trip Saga. A satirical mikey take of 'shippers. No piratesshippers were harmed in the making of this story.


Disclaimer – Despite how this story makes it look, I don't own them. Well, not in this reality. However, there are multiple alternate realities where every possible outcome of every decision of your life happens so in a reality somewhere, maybe more than one, I'm sure I do own them. Possibly.

Author's Notes – It's a spoof, I dressed the boys up like pirates, it's supposed to be insanely silly, make fun of stereotypes, shippers (cough Kim/Tommy etc. etc.), and make little to no sense. (Me: When does anything I write make sense?) Enjoy.

Cough Just incase the above doesn't sound like me; let it be noted that Ren wrote my Author Notes for me. We're pretty much interchangeable now anyway, really, can anyone even tell the difference even more?

Summary – Erm, do you really need one? There isn't a lot to summarize… erm, it involves pretty boys dressed up as pirates and making fun of 'Ship fans.

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When Fan Girls Go Bad…

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(Seaside docks somewhere in the realm of insanity)

"Look at them putting on their pathetic little play with all those stupid pathetic girly girls and damsel in distress-won't-the-charming-handsome-prince-please-come-save-me attitude." Ren sneered as she tossed a curtain of electric blue hair over her shoulder.

"Get a back bone!" Rach screeched, albeit quietly so as not to alert the enemy of their presence, "It's the twenty first century, we realize women actually have brains now! Use them! Argh, and come on, if those guys weren't gay to begin with they sure are now after being surrounded by all those pink hearty girly things for how long."

"Here, here!" Ren cheered, only to be tapped on the shoulder by Jason.

"You both need to take your meds again," He told them, "The exclamatitis are showing."

"Exclamatitis?" Tommy asked from where he was crouched, in a full swashbuckling pirate costume, behind his partner.

"An addiction and over use of exclamation marks," Jason answered, fiddling with his own sword and pirate like shirt.

"Most predominantly found in shippers." Almost chocking on the last word, Rachel shook her head sadly.

"Shippers?" Tommy asked, confused.

"The bane of a slash writer's life. They write…" Ren paused, she thought hard for a moment before turning to Rachel, "Yaoi is boy on boy, het is girl on girl, right?"

Heaving a sigh, Rachel shook her head. "No, het is shipperness, as in heterosexual, boy on girl, while yuri is girl on girl." This was the fourth time this week they'd had this particular conversation, the younger writer could only hope that it had perhaps sunk in this time.

"So, they write boy on girl romance, what's wrong with tha-" Tommy was abruptly cut off by a long, hard (get your minds out of the gutter) kiss from Jason. Slightly dazed he put a hand to his head to right his bandana that had been skewed in the passionate moment.

"What's wrong with it is that it can never be that," Jason told him with a smug smile, pulling him flush to him. No one could be sure how exactly that worked considering they were both kneeling down and hiding behind some rum barrels at the docks, but well this was the world of Fanfiction, the laws of physics were made to be broken. After all, that was why the author had Stargate SG-1/Atlantis muses. How could you break the laws of physics without cocky colonels, amazing archaeologists and snarky astrophysicists?

"Well that's pretty obvious. Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" Tommy asked with a smirk and raised eyebrow.

He suddenly felt something poking him in the back and turned to come face to face with the tip of Ren's own sword. "Focus, we have ships sails to slash."

"Since when have you been able to focus so single mindedly on something?" Jason asked, part of him slightly suspicious and the other just plain annoyed that his possible midday tumble had been interrupted.

"Rach promised me icecream once we were done." Ren said with a bounce and a smile making the older muse close his eyes and open them once more very slowly. Nope, she was still there. Damn it. "Besides if you two don't stop pawing at each other your going to mess up your costumes and makeup."

Mentally grumbling at this, Jason shook his head. Next time he'd draw the line at the eyeliner she had forced him to wear. Black wasn't so bad he supposed, but he didn't look anywhere near as hot as Tommy did in it, or Johnny Depp. Of course there was no way he could voice such a thought to his companion, or even the girls as it would most likely set off some new insane idea or adventure. Or them watching Pirates Of The Caribbean for the, what was it now, fifty-sixth time?

Still though despite the inconvenience of these little jobs or adventures as the two girls insisted upon calling them, he loved his writers, all muses did and it was official now he and Tommy were their muses. They even had their Muse Membership Club Cards; it got them free entry into any bar and fifty percent off at a large number of leather stores world wide. Of course the last privilege was one he would never tell his writers about. Where Rach, Ren were concerned chains and leather could never result in good things, well, unless you looked at 'Cabin Fever' (cough excuse the shameless plugging) but hey, every rule needed an exception.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Jason returned focus on the situation at hand. He couldn't afford to be distracted at a time like this, not with shippers just over the other side of the dock on their baby pink boat. Did they have no style? Pink was only worth it if it was in hot pink, and he should know. He was a gay muse after all, which meant he instantly had a fashion sense, good taste in music, the ability to dance, and above all the ability to angst for days on end over his unbelievably hot boyfriend.

Said boyfriend who was right now leaning over their two writers, quietly discussing their plan of attack and unknowingly giving him a very good view of his leather pants clad butt. He could sit and watch that all day. However his common sense and sense of self preservation kicked in and he came to join them, leaning over Tommy's shoulder to stare at their battle plan.

He forced himself not to sigh and roll his eyes at the silliness of it all as the hand drawn map complete with stuck on sparkles and glitter was rolled out in front of them. This explained what Ren and Tommy had been up to last night with a box of markers and lots of giggling. What surprised him most was that Rach had let them into the PVA glue supply after what'd happened the last time. They'd gotten glitter, feathers and each other stuck to themselves whilst also deciding practical jokes were more fun when glue was involved. Glue in Rach's sunscreen was bad, but Jason had to admit he was rather glad when he found his hand stuck to his bottle of lotion later that night, instead of around something else like it would have been had the two pranksters not accidentally spilled some down the sides of the bottle alerting him to their joke before he used it.

Suddenly a thought struck him. Tommy had been rather adamant last night that he and Rach sat down with him in the den to look through his sketchbook at his latest masterpieces. Never mind some of them could really have done with being censored. Seriously, that boy had no shame some days. Strange how he'd stopped the minute Ren appeared in the doorway. They should've twigged then that they were up to something despite he and Rach already having formulated a plan verbally. Oh well, too late now, Jase would just 'punish' him when they got home.

Turning back in to hear Ren's elaborate plan that involve swashbuckling this and skewering that, he sighed, unable to suppress it this time and shook his head. Really he didn't see what was wrong with their original plan, though he had to admit, the drawings the pair had done were pretty impressive. He squinted a bit, he was sure he could see something through the page. "Hey, what'd you two draw this on?"

Suddenly faltering in her explanation, Ren turned slightly nervous eyes to Tommy. "Um…just some paper we found lying around in your room."

Squinting harder and suddenly realizing what it was Jason snatched it up and glowered at the pair. It would be a pretty impressive map, had it not been drawn on the back of his Open University Architecture Course Homework!

Appeasing the now growling brunette, Rach rubbed circles across his back, much to Tommy's displeasure, and gently eased the paper from his hands. "Look it's getting late and the fluffy girls will be in bed soon, let's just go with the original plan okay. Everyone ready?"

The group around her nodded and on the count of three got ready to attack.

"One…two…three!"

The group jumped out from behind the barrels littering the dock and jumped aboard the ship. All around them shippers fainted at the sight of the group of slashers. Their weak hearts simply couldn't take the overwhelming hotness of the two men fighting side by side, leaning in for kisses periodically as they went around doing what they did best.

Slashing the shippers sails.

The End

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See, it wasn't that bad. Also, gotta do the whole no offence thing. Honestly, if anyone takes this as a personal attack and is offended by it I suggest going and listening to the Avenue Q song called Everyone's A Little Bit Racist as it best explains why you shouldn't be offended.

After all, I could've done a lot worse… maybe I will next time!


End file.
